Can a card game help you grieve?

A few weeks ago, I found myself at Gen Con—North America’s largest gaming conference. I’d been curious about it for a long time, but this year a few friends talked me into it. My plans were simple: play some games, see some live shows, hang out with people who are usually on the other side of the country.

But then, while I was browsing the expo floor, I found a card game about grief. Of course I bought a copy.

Created by Tony Tran, In Memory Of is a storytelling card game for 1-5 players. First, you pick a random picture on the internet to represent the character you’re mourning. The first player kicks off the collective grieving by pulling a “moment” card, which corresponds to a particular period of the dead character’s life. Infancy, middle age, etc. Then they pull two “keepsake” cards, which represent some item that was meaningful to the dead character—a toy, a name tag, etc. The player discards one keepsake card and places the other beneath the moment card.

Using the moment and keepsake cards as prompts, the player imagines a particular memory they shared with the dead character, one that defines their relationship and sketches out the character’s life in greater detail.

Then the next player draws a moment card, draws a keepsake card, creates a memory. Then the next, then the next. When all the moment cards have been turned, the players say a final goodbye to their fictional friend.

I played it on my own last weekend, and I genuinely choked up. It was moving, and even though I was making up a relationship to a person who doesn’t exist, it still forced me to notice the ways in which I grieve the real people I’ve lost. I tend to focus on memories of guilt, regret—things I could have done better. Maybe that’s normal. But then, why I am I so focused on myself? Shouldn’t I focus more on what was great about them?

It doesn’t surprise me that the game took on an emotional resonance. I’ve played enough tabletop roleplaying games to know that fictional characters can pack a real punch.

I think In Memory Of could be useful in guiding people through real life grief. By mourning an imaginary person, they can open up in ways that prepare them to mourn those they’ve truly lost. It can help people understand that considering death won’t magically cause death, and remembering the dead won’t stop them from living.

Want to order your own copy? Check it out on Indie Press Revolution.