Build a better sympathy card.

17th Death, Dying, & Disposal Conference | Utrecht, The Netherlands | 27-30 August 2025

A 1977 study by C.H. Lippy of more than 200 sympathy cards found that none of them referred to death directly. A 2017 study by R.W. Hallett of 134 sympathy cards found that one of them used the word “death.” American and European society is becoming increasingly secular, but our sympathy cards remain largely Christian or Christian-coded, reusing generic language and refusing to acknowledge death directly. We can do better.

In August 2025, I headed to the Netherlands to attend the DDD17 conference, where I asked the gathered international death and dying experts to help me build a better sympathy card. I brought blank cards, markers, stickers, and prompts. They brought their imaginations and their expertise. You’ll find the results below—all available for free download.

Print out your favorites and fold them according to the instructions on the right. Wherever possible I’ve tried to preserve the participants’ actual handwriting and drawings, though I made some changes for the sake of clarity and artistic license. I hope you relate to these cards more than those you find in the supermarket.

A skeleton reading a book surrounded by the words "one more chapter"
Skeleton in a field surrounded by bright stars. Text reads "It sucks now and will for a while! Let's grab a coffee!"
Blue text and an arrow on a white background reads: I have drawn this image as one of the pictures that comes into my mind when I think of you.
A skeleton amidst mushrooms. Text above reads "they were a fungi."
A sun surrounded by the word "sad" in different colors. In the center of the sun it says "there is a future."
A blue sky above a field of daisies. Pink text reads "Maybe we'll be part of the same garden someday."
Colorful heart monitor lines that fade into more natural wavelike lines. A red heart is in the center.
Atop sun, raindrops, and a flower, colorful text reads: "I will remember joy and kindness. I hope your good memories stay strong."

Joy

Bold text on a light blue background reads: I am here to listen if you want. <3
A skeletal ribcage with flowers growing on the left side over a lavender background. Blue text reads: ____ has moved on. What is your favorite memory?
Brown and green text on a light yellow background reads: You will be okay! Even if it takes time. <3
Colorful drawing of two people on the phone attached by a cord. Text above reads "my sympathy"
The planet earth with an orange comet tail coming out of the bottom
Atop falling raindrops and a pool, blue text reads: Wet tears trickle down. Wet is okay. Falling into pools of love. They will be missed.
Atop a pink background, a ghost reads a pink book surrounded by the text "read in peace."
A skeleton reclines in a desert. All this surrounded by a light blue background with blue squiggles and purple dots.
On a green background, a skeleton works on a laptop amidst potted plants. Cursive text reads: living with scars is an act of remembrance.
Orange and green text on a cream background reads: Such a shame about _____!
A puffy pink cloud full of pale stars on a deep purple background.
Dark pink text on a mauve background reads: I love you. This sucks.
Colorful text surrounded by flowers reads: Well this sucks big time! (And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.)
A skeleton with his hands on his hips surrounded by red and blue text that reads: No way around it. This sucks. But you don't.
Coral text on a sea foam green background reads: Death sucks.
Dark blue text on a lighter blue background reads: Death sucks.
A colorful tree beneath the words "In Support."
On a light pink background, a dark pink skeleton amidst wildflowers hovers above the word "sympatyco" in dark pink text.
A blue cat lays on a rug. Text above and below reads: Thank you for everything. I had a wonderful time.
Colorful hearts and thought bubbles on a white background
Black text on a white background reads: It's hard to find words. Should I say I'm sorry or offer my condolences? I guess I'm just letting you know that I think it's really shitty that your person died and that I'm thinking of you. Thumbprint. Heart.
A colorful hourglass on a lavender background.
A simple pen drawing of a tree surrounded by pink hearts on a white background
Brown and green vines twist up a pale green background
Green text on an orange background reads "Why don't we..."
A skeleton surrounded by flowers and a blue sky in a window, which is surrounded by pink and brown lines.
Atop an unbroken yellow line, green text reads: Wie schrijft die blijft...achter met minder losse eindjes! Gefeliciteerd met het tekenen van jullie Testament!

← This is actually a “congratulations on signing your will” card in Dutch!