If you’re reading this, one or more of your parents have recently died. You may feel weighted with grief, or cold with shock. If you had a strained relationship with your parents, you may feel ambivalent or relieved or celebratory. All of these are valid emotional responses.

Unfortunately, our legal and financial systems don’t care about your feelings. Starting now, your parents get to rest—but you don’t. It’s unfair, maybe even cruel. It’s certainly ridiculous. While it’s always important to take care of yourself, you are about to enter a labyrinth of paperwork and bureaucracy that will take you months to navigate at best, and years at worst.

I know, because I’m right there with you. My mom died in 2020, and as I write this paragraph in 2023, my dad died exactly two weeks ago. I’m in my thirties, and I have few friends who have been in this situation. I’m learning how to do this the hard way, and I’m updating this website as I go, while everything is still fresh in my mind. That way it hopefully won’t be as hard for you.